


risk

by jenohyucks



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bnior, Break Up, M/M, Tears, a little bit of, everyone is mad at jaebum, jaebum is kind of an asshole, jaebum kinda hates himself by the end, jaebum loves his career more i guess idefk, jingyeom - Freeform, jinson, jinyoung crying himself to sleep, jinyoung loves jaebum, jjp, just a tiny bit like the actual tiniest??, kinda??, like js just tries to keep jb away, the jingyeom aint rly platonic??? its kinda romantic, yugyeom rly loves his jinyoung hyung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-21 00:34:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9523151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenohyucks/pseuds/jenohyucks
Summary: jinyoung saw jaebum as his entire world,but to jaebum, jinyoung was just a risk.





	

**Author's Note:**

> iM SORRY I HURT JINYOUNG I WANT DEATH UPON MYSELF  
> okay but i lov jingyeom so much give me more yeSSSs

''i want us to break up'', jaebum says, feeling jinyoung tense, their bodies flushed together on the sofa, jinyoung's head resting on jaebum's chest. jinyoung doesn't look up, and he stays silent for a while. jaebum knows jinyoung can feel his heart beating like crazy. the last thing he wanted was for jinyoung to hate him. well, scratch that, it was the second-to-last thing he wanted. he kinda hated himself for being stupidly aware of how his priorities were wrong, but he couldn't help it.

 

''oh'', jinyoung sighs, pausing again for a moment, and jaebum almost thinks for a moment his boyfriend wants to break down, but he knows jinyoung is too strong, and too petty, honestly, to do something like that in front of jaebum. jaebum holds his breath.

 

''why?'', jinyoung asks the simple question, and whether or not he wants to admit it to himself, he'd seen this coming. jaebum was getting more and more distant, but jinyoung still dreaded the words, hating them before they even left jaebum's mouth. he wanted to know the reason, though. he needed to know the reason. jinyoung lifts his head up from jaebum's chest, sitting up on the sofa, leaning his head back against it.

 

his eyes are closed and he doesn't dare to look at jaebum, but jaebum can see a soft tears getting tangled in jinyoung's eyelashes, and jaebum kinda hates himself, and kinda wishes he wasn't so selfish. he also wishes he doesn't speak the next few words that come out of his mouth, but it's too late and what jaebum says at that moment has already done the damage and he sees jinyoung softly wince after his words.

 

''we're a risk, jinyoung''.

 

jinyoung doesn't respond, breathing in and out softly, his eyes still shut, trying to calm himself. ''a risk?'', he asks shakingly, chuckling ironically, but his eyes still staying closed, and jaebum wishes the guilt would eat him up and off the planet, because seeing jinyoung like that has him questioning his priorities, but in the end he knows that what he's doing is his best interest. no matter how much he loved jinyoung, this was his dream at stake.

 

''y-yeah, it's dangerous, and i- i don't want to risk _our_ career'', he says, the emphasis on ''our'' make jinyoung open his eyes slowly, and chuckle again, and jaebum's left wandering what's so funny, even though he knows jinyoung would rather laugh now and cry later, and that's probably what he's doing. jaebum hates himself, just a little bit though. 

 

jinyoung nods, still not looking at jaebum, but rather admiring the way the floor looks so bland and gray, nodding constantly, looking rather dazed off, and if jaebum didn't know any better, he'd think that jinyoung didn't listen to a moment he had said.

 

jinyoung closes his eyes, letting out something that sounded like a muffled choked off sob, and jaebum winces. ''is that all i am to you?'', he looks jaebum straight in his eyes, and jaebum practically sees how broken his dongsaeng really is. he's really starting to hate himself now.

 

''does this career, really matter more than someone who's been with you through every up and down of that same career? does it?'', his voice is a little raised now, only enough for jaebum to hear how upset jinyoung is. jaebum stays silent, and thinks jinyoung would yell at him any moment. instead, jinyoung crashes his head back on the sofa, sighing loudly. he was exhausted.

 

''i would have done it for you'', he mutters, but he knows jaebum catches his words, with the way his eyes widen and his mouth open but no sound really comes out, and he's just a sighing mess. jinyoung waits for jaebum to continue the conversation, and when the other asks him a question, he's relieved, because honestly there's so many things on his mind and he wants jaebum to know every single one of them. ''done what?'', jaebum had asked, silently praying that he wouldn't get the answer he had expected. but no, he does. and his hate towards himself grows even more when jinyoung's beautiful, broken voice reaches him.

 

''the career. i would've given up everything for you, you know. i was ready to, if the manager had asked. if our fans somehow found out, and they hated us, i was ready to leave all of this, just for you'', he rambles softly, voice breaking every now and then, and jaebum really hates himself now. it's just guilt, he thinks, because he's sure that, as much of an asshole he is because of that, the career, the thrilling feeling of being on stage and being loved and admired, it all matters more than jinyoung.

 

jaebum doesn't say anything.

 

''it's funny. i guess i can't really blame you, huh? it's my fucking fault. i was ready to leave everything behind, not even fucking knowing that the only thing you were leaving behind was me'', jinyoung choked on his own tears by now.

 

jaebum still doesn't say anything.

 

jinyoung stands up and walks away, leaving jaebum, and in the midst of the moment when jaebum realizes that jinyoung isn't his to hug, kiss and love anymore, he isn't his to keep and take care of anymore, jaebum feels something wet on his cheeks. he was crying.

 

jaebum still didn't say anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

walking past jinyoung's room that night, he hears not so quiet sobs, obviously jinyoung's, and a voice he deems to be yugyeom's, trying to calm him down. he opens the doors softly, not making a lot of noise, and even if he did, jinyoung was crying his eyes off, his head on yugyeom's chest, the younger enveloping him strongly, and he most certainly would not notice.

 

jinyoung doesn't notice, but yugyeom does. and jaebum's never seen yugyeom look at him with such anger and hate in his eyes, and he's almost scared. guilt washes over him again, and jaebum leaves. as he steps away from the door, he hears jinyoung's cracked voice. ''did he ev-er l-ove me, g-gyeom?'', jinyoung asks, and jaebum doesn't stick around to hear what yugyeom answers him.

 

that night, he doesn't sleep well. fuck that, he doesn't sleep at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the next day, jinyoung doesn't show up for breakfast. yugyeom does, however, and jaebum doesn't hesitate to asks where jinyoung was. maybe he should've, he thinks. yeah, he definetly should've, because now he feels three stares of anger on him, and two that are avoiding his existence completely. they all know what jaebum said to jinyoung. they are all aware of what happened because jinyoung told yugyeom and yugyeom told everyone else, (with jinyoung's permission!!) word by word. 

 

it's an understatement to say, jackson and mark were pissed, just like yugyeom. bambam and youngjae were worried about jinyoung, and were in fact terribly disappointed with jaebum. they even let themselves think for a moment that, if it was someone else, someone who isn't their family, they wouldn't feel like that.

 

but this was jinyoung. their jinyoung. their family. even though they agreed countless times that their little family is more important than anything else, including their damn career.

 

everyone is suprised when mark glares at their leader with nothing short of rage in his eyes. ''you don't need to know that'', he says, and his voice isn't loud at all, he sounds quiet, but somehow, that fact scares jaebum even more. mark's voice is threatening, and the look in his eyes makes jaebum shiver. he isn't a person who gets really scared of people and their glares easily, but there's something about your own family glaring at you, and there's something more about knowing you deserve every second of it.

 

jackson doesn't say a word to jaebum, unless it's small talk, but his voice is still cold and jaebum doesn't bother trying anymore. bambam and youngjae talk amongst themselves, and their voices don't seem that cold, but jaebum can tell they don't want to speak to him.

 

yugyeom though, is another story. he hasn't eaten much, he spoke no words at all, and anything productive that he's done is glare at jaebum the entire time. jaebum feels small under his glare, not particularly because it's threatening or scary, but more because he knows he deserves it. 

 

 

''i need to go'', yugyeom exclaims and hurries back to his room, or well, that's what he says. jaebum has a pretty good idea where the maknae is going, and he can't say he isn't worried about jinyoung. he also can't really say he deserves the honor of worrying about jinyoung, not after he's the one who broke him, really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

there's just something about the way jinyoung smiles that draws jaebum in. except he's not allowed to make him smile anymore. that beautiful smile on his face was caused by- well, everyone except jaebum, but jaebum can almost feel the tear stains on jinyoung's cheeks, and he still wishes death upon himself.

jaebum is miserable. he doesn't try to fix anything though, because his stupid brain is still convincing him that what he did was right.

 

that is, until they preformed again. 

 

he no longer feels the thrill of being loved and admired. he still loves the performance and he walked out satisfied, but there was something missing, and it took jaebum little to no time to figure out what it was. 

 

he had missed the way his and jinyoung's eyes would meet on stage, smiling coyly at each other for less than a second, before going back to putting all their hearts on stage, for their fans, but more importantly, for their family.

for each other.

 

he missed the way he would basically be able to feel jinyoung's eyes on him when he's in the center, and he missed the way jinyoung would subtly turn to look at him when he was in the center, always making sure to pay attention to where he was. jinyoung did none of that now, and jaebum might have just hated himself more.

 

most of all, he missed the way jinyoung would come up to him after their performance, hugging him tightly, like he'd never let go. 

jinyoung didn't hug him this time. jinyoung was being hugged by everyone except jaebum, and jaebum couldn't watch them completely ignoring his existence, so he left.

 

jaebum swore on his life that he could feel a familiar pair of eyes staring at him when he was walking out.   
he could feel the pain that look had meant too, and he added more points to the _how much does jaebum hate jaebum_ chart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

to say jaebum regrets his decision after a month of everything going back to ''normal'' is also an understatement.

 

by normal, i mean his members seem to forget the incident and how jaebum had made jinyoung broken, how jaebum had made jinyoung cry, how jaebum had hurt jinyoung. 

 

jinyoung seemed to be over it too, talking to jaebum, not as much as before, though. scratch that, not nearly as much as before. jaebum knows jinyoung is still hurting. he can hear it every night that he passes his bedroom, he can hear yugyeom's failed attempts to make jinyoung stop sobbing, until he eventually doesn't fall asleep.

 

yugyeom never really leaves the room after that.

 

oh, yeah, one other thing that was different too; the only one of the members (except jinyoung) who had changed his behaviour towards jaebum, was yugyeom. the maknae didn't talk to his hyung unless it's something actually group related, he never left jinyoung in close proximity of being alone with their leader, and he never himself was that close to his leader. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

unless, of course, it's a good act for the fans. 

 

another thing why jaebum hates himself. both him and jinyoung know that their skinship is a pretty big deal to the fans, so it shouldn't really come off as a big suprise when they're requested to do something together, or for jaebum to fucking serenade jinyoung and all that good stuff, but somehow it manages to suprise jaebum, who's staring wide-eyed at the request. 

 

he feels yugyeom's gaze on him, but his eyes are soft, no glaring in front of the fans. yugyeom's worried. a lot.

 

what suprises jaebum even more is that jinyoung laughs at the request, and flashes jaebum that beautiful smile that has jaebum falling all over again (and he again adds points to his self-hate chart). jinyoung even goes to the point of teasing jaebum, asking him if he's too shy to do it, and it really catches jaebum off guard. that is, until he sees behind jinyoung's smile and looks into his eyes, and realizes that he's just this close to breaking down. everyone is staring at them, jackson trying to keep jaebum away from jinyoung, smiling widely and putting an arm over jinyoung's shoulders, yelling that, _if jaebummie hyung is too shy_ , then he'd do it.

 

jaebum plays it off to that, laughing at the two and fans cooing while jackson sings, terribly, to jinyoung, and jaebum can see jinyoung's genuine smile for a moment. more points. jaebum doesn't know when the chart will be filled up, but it surely keeps growing faster each day.

 

_that should've been him._

 

_he doesn't deserve that though._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it also makes jaebum hate himself when he runs into jinyoung and yugyeom cuddling on the same sofa that jaebum broke up with jinyoung on. jinyoung looks peaceful, happy even, snuggling and tickling yugyeom a bit, and the other is constantly whining that '' _hyungggg, it's time to stoppp_ ''. 

 

everything around jinyoung lately is reminding him that it should've been him, making him happy, but it's not, because he made him sad. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jinyoung still cries himself to sleep, and every night, still after more than two months, yugyeom is still with him. except jaebum rarely stops by, not really because he's tired and bored and already knows what he would hear, but more because of a certain thing yugyeom said to him a while back.

 

 

''hyung, stop'', yugyeom had one night stopped jaebum right outside of jinyoung's room. jinyoung was just a bit too tired after their performance today, and he fell asleep early. when he had heard jaebum's footsteps, yugyeom decided they would need to talk.

 

''i'm not walking, yugyeom-ah'', he says, and the younger does nothing, except narrow his eyes and huff. ''you know what i mean. stop going through here. are you that desperate to hear how much you've hurt him? is it not enough seeing him so broken, so shattered every single day?'', yugyeom's voice wasn't necessarilly harsh, but it was cold and if yugyeom had wanted to get his point across, he was surely succeeding.

 

''it's not that, yugyeom, i-''.

 

''i want to tell you so much that he doesn't love you, hyung'', yugyeom spits out, and jaebum looks at him with a confused gaze. ''huh?''.

 

''i want to tell you that he doesn't need you anymore and that he's over you and that you mean nothing to him, and i want to tell you that he's forgotten all of your memories and all of the love you gave him and i most of all want to tell you that he forgot about that day you left him and that he doesn't love you anymore, but it's all such bullshit, i don't think you'd even believe me''. 

 

jaebum, as always in important moments, stays quiet.

 

''i- i don't want to hate you, hyung. but you really have no idea what you did to him, do you? you're so goddamn- ugh. it's all such bullshit and you're so- and he still loves you so, so much'', yugyeom lets out a huff of frustration, hiding his face in his palms, not knowing what to do anymore. 

 

''i don't want him to be in pain, yugyeom'', jaebum mutters, and yugyeom holds back a sarcastic remark, because his hyung really must be stupid to think jinyoung wouldn't be in pain. 

 

''me neither, hyung'', jaebum hears the venom in yugyeom's voice returning as he speaks. ''you don't deserve him one bit'', he laughs, ''you don't deserve him at all, hyung'', yugyeom says, dropping formal speech, but still calling jaebum hyung, as if taunting him, and jaebum has to admit it's annoying him just a bit, but what's more annoying is how incredibly correct yugyeom's words are, and jaebum adds even more points to the chart. (he seriously doesn't know how his hate for himself isn't maxed out yet, but sure, whatever, he just rolls with it, makes a mental note to check the points later on, to see how many he's gathered, even though something tells him there's too many to count).

 

 

''yugyeom, wher- oh... hi, jaebum-hyung''.

 

_jinyoung._

 

not only jinyoung, but jinyoung speaking in formalities, bowing to his hyung, and jaebum feels like a stranger, in the sudden trio of people. 

 

''uhh- hi'', jaebum chokes out. ''jinyoung-hyung, you should get some more sleep, i'll be right there'', yugyeom says, and jaebum notices the drastic difference between his tone now, and the tone he just used to talk to jaebum. he doesn't really need an explanation why, but whatever. 

 

''i- can't s-sleep'', jinyoung confesses, and jaebum notices how he's turned his side to him, completely shutting out his existence and his center of focus being yugyeom. jaebum can't help but think it's a safety mechanism, _how not to break down in front of your asshole ex who dumped you for his career that wasn't even truly endangered_ , a book by park jinyoung. jaebum wants to smile at how strong his jinyoung is.

 

_but he's not really strong._

 

**_and he most cerainly isn't his._ **

 

''why not?'', yugyeom asks, and jaebum swears he sees jinyoung blushing. ''i-''.

 

''well, you can tell me later, hyung, it's okay, lets go to sleep, okay?'', yugyeom asks, and jinyoung nods his head, going back into his room, and yugyeom follows him, neither spearing jaebum a second glance. jaebum can swear he hears a bit of sniffling on the other side, and a choked out, ''he's so beautiful, yugyeom'', and no matter how much more he hates himself now, jaebum kinda smiles to himself, not really knowing why himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the week after that, jinyoung is sound asleep in yugyeom's arms, again, on that one goddamn sofa, and jaebum just might consider getting a new one.

 

yugyeom is looking at him like he's the most beautiful creature in the world, which, honestly, he is. and he can't help but point it out.

 

''he's really beautiful, hyung, isn't he?'', yugyeom speaks softly, his voice differing from the one he had talked to jaebum with in front of jinyoung's room. much softer, much warmer, and jaebum finds himself missing the maknae's friendship and love.

 

''yeah. i've never seen anyone more beautiful than him'', jaebum says, looking at jinyoung's sleeping form. he really was beautiful. yugyeom looks up at him, and jaebum just feels like he did something wrong, just by agreeing with yugyeom.

 

''jaebum-hyung... did you seriously leave him because your relationship could risk this goddamn idol thing?'', yugyeom says, his voice laced with disbelief, and jaebum wishes, oh how he wishes he could say no, but he doesn't like lying. 

 

jaebum lowers his head, nodding, defeated. he sits on the floor and leans on the side of the sofa, so that his and jinyoung's backs were facing each other. kinda. but not really.

 

jaebum just wanted to be close to jinyoung.

 

yugyeom looked at him, but said nothing.  
after all, it's his arms that jinyoung's in.   
yeah, he's the one protecting him.

and that's all.

yeah.

 

 

 

 

maybe one day, jinyoung would stop hurting.  
and one day, jaebum's chart would be full and slowly start decreasing in points.  
maybe one day yugyeom would be able to take the pain away from jinyoung.  
or maybe jinyoung would eventually go back to jaebum, and maybe jaebum would never let him go again.  
  
it's all full of maybe's, and what if's and no one really knows. 

for now, they're all in pain, but things seem to be going a bit better each day.

we just don't know what path their life would take at the end.

we don't know who will end up in pain, who will end up happy and if anyone will end up happy at all.

we don't know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_or do we?_

**Author's Note:**

> I HATE MYSELF FOR ENDING IT LIKE THAT BHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAH  
> legit like,,, the ending is supposed to be like the kind of optional ending uk  
> because  
> you can be your own elms (me!!!) and write whatever you want to write in your head  
> maybe jb tries to get jinyoung back one day and succeeds? maybe he doesnt? maybe jingyeom end up together? maybe it just keeps being platonic??? maybe jjp end up best friends again?? who knows??? 
> 
>  
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated, ilysm!!


End file.
